July 31, 2006cross my heart-alcolicI woke up at about 2pm.I walked into the living room rubbing my eyes.As I looked up every one was staring at me."um what's going on?" every one was silent."well umm im going to get a beer..." I started to walk into the kitchen but got cut off."Vam we need to talk..."Kayla said with no emotion showing."um ok...about what?" "you drinking problem.It becoming worse.You are even drinking more then Ville.It need to stop befor something happens,we know there is something wrong going on." my eyes went narrow."WHAT?!I don't have a drinking problem,nothings going on!IM FINE!" I yelled and stormed out the door. At first I didn't know were to go.Still I saw Zamoras.I quickly ran across the street in front of cars making them hit their brakes so fast you could here the rubber off the tiers skid across the pavement. .I could swore I herd people cussing at me.I quickly ran to the bar"give me anything strong" I said quickly and started banging softly on the counter.He handed me a drink and looked at me puzzled.I gulped it down then held it out for him to give me another.As I drank thoughts rushed through my mind.I could not fix my mind on one thing,until I remember what Kayla said...'I don't have a drinking problem...do I?'I thought to myself.'no,you don't they don't understand,they dont know what I have been through.?' I lied to myself it seamed to be working too.I drank my thoughts away,drank my problems away. When they cut me off,I walked to the store and got a case of beer,I drank it in the park.I was slammed.I pass a group off guys.Forgetting I was married and about my only love,I began to flirt with them,and play with them.I brushed up against one of them,when I heard"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"it was Bam and Ville.Ville grabbed my arm.I pushed it off and yelled in there ears"GO AWAY!I DON'T NEED YOU!! LEAVE ME ALONE!"Bam grabbed me and threw me in the car.I struggled to get out then they pushed me back in.I forgot I could unlock the doors.I banged and screamed yelled hit punched kicked all the way home.When we got home I was pissed,I yelled at every one.I stumbled around the house trying to get to the cellar to get some wine.When Kayla fallowed me down and tried to keep me form drinking.I struggled for a bottle pushing her to the ground.She pushed me back and grabbed the bottle and threw it at the wall braking it.She grabbed another and threw it"VAM! I can't do this I don't want you to do this to yourself!!" "IM NOT DOING ANY THING!YOU DON"T KNOW WHAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE LET ME BE AT PEACE!"I grabbed a battle and tried to open it.She pushed me down."VAM!Don't do this you don't see what you are doing!You know what this stuff can do to you!You are going to kill your self,I don't want you to die,I don't want anything to happen to you!I care about you Vam we all do."I paused,suddenly it came clearer...I began to relies what I was doing.I drooped the bottle.I felt tears rushing down my face.I could not stop crying,I think it all got to me,it all caught up to me.At my father funeral I held my tears back.Ever since my father died I have held anger back held tears back.I tried to teach my self not to cry.But I guess when I was drunk it all came out non stop.Kayla helped me up the stairs.I saw Mige and Linde sitting next to Bam.Dico and Dunn.I felt ashamed,I tried to hide my face from every one. We talked for hours,it seamed like every one was crying or trying not too,except me.I don't know why I should be the only one crying but I wasn't.I hate to cry but some times its hard to hold it.When Ville said...he wants me to go to a rehab center.I didn't want to,but I knew its what he wanted.I didn't want to give up drinking,I just wanted to cut back on it.This all was happening to fast...I was really a hard drinker,I was really an alcoholic!I really had problems.What happened to that perfect little girl,that never did any thing wrong,played with dolls had tea parties with her girlfriends.Then played army,and super hero with her guy friends...what append to daddies lil girl!...She grew up,got into drugs and alchole...quite drugs after years of abuse then got married and became and alcholic!!! NO!!! I didn't want to be that...im not going to live to see my own child!I want to live and explore the world!!!Not if im going this!I need to stop...or at least cut back.
Posted on 07/31/2006 4:56 PM Comments (5)
July 28, 2006cross my heart-drunk(the returne)I woke up in the middle of the night to my heavy breathing and damp hot face.I turned to my side looking out our bay window,with the moon staining back at me.I got up and slipped my red silk robe on and walked into the kitchen stepping on the cold hard tile.I reached into the fridge to get a nice cold beer,when my mother and father rushed through my mind.I leaned agents the counter as I thought of them.My eyes suddenly ran to the calender and I saw that it was the day the adopted me.I went into the living room and streched out on our soft black velvet couch.I laid there for a second then herd Ville voice"hey Vam you ok?" I eminently sprang up."oh yeah,I'm fine just having trouble sleeping" "oh...well..I'm gonna go back to bed,how about you?" he said as he yawned like a lion."hm..I'll try I guess."I said and walked in with him.He instantly fell back asleep,but I...laid there again.I struggled to find a comfortable place.I flopted on my back then my side and to my stomic and all.I staired strate up at the ceeling.Thinking of my parents,and then my birth parents,my brother jake.The past memeries of my home befor I was adopted...how they treated me and Jake.Just thinking about it made me saddened but full of rage.Hours went by and I still could not sleep.So I decided to get up and take a shower.I let the hot water run across my body like a water fall.I standed leting run across me for what seamed like hours.I got out and dried my body and instently raped my slef around my robe.I didn't bother with make up or cantacts.I just wore my glasses,I brushed my hair out and put it up out of the way.I went down staires into the celler and opend a bottle of red wine,and sat out on our up staired porch.The sun was just about to rise,it was beautiful.Rays of the sun shot through the cloudes like angels falling from the hevans.I grew into a trance of the beautiy,my eyes wide,a smile across my face.I haven't seen the sun rise for so long,usualy i'm sleeping of a hang over or I went to bed at 4 am and woke up at 3 pm.I was hit into reality from the sound of the fromt door flying open.
Posted on 07/28/2006 1:19 PM Comments (9)
July 23, 2006we are the damned-damilya returnesHe froze.He didn't talk at all,all he did was hang up the phone then sat down,didn't even say anything."what's wrong."Kayla said puzzled with a fake expression on her face.Ville shot back into reality,and looked up slowly."some one broke in to my lair." every ones mouth droped and you could see there dazling white fangs,with there eyes wide and full of shock."we better go then."Bam said grabbing Kaylas arm."yeah we better get down there and see what happened." Vam said holding her hand out to Ville.He grabbed it and she pulled him up.They ran quickly to Bams car.They got there in about 5 min.Ville flew through the door.His eyes grew wide at the sight of his home,it was trashed.Books every ware chairs and tables tipped over.Pages ripped out of his note books,peaces of broken glass on the cold hard ground.Ville steped in ,with the sound of glass crushing under his shoes.He looked around then looked up at Bam.His eyes were stunned at the sight.Ville looked back down then he quickly sprung his head back up.He looked around then ran into his bedroom.He shot open drawers,and threw his pillows up running his eyes across the room.His eyes scarce,"oh no.oh no.SHIT!!"he said as he banged his head and his fists on the soft bed."what happed."Bam said as he walked in.Ville looked up,"they took it,they took it all.They took my notes,my songs,my poems,my addresses,my numbers,my journals,my money.It all was in that, ALL of it!!."he said full of rage and anger...and still the sound of worry."it all was in that black box.All of it and now its gone...did you notice they didn't take any thing else...but that" Bams face went narrow."so..that means." "that means they have your number your address...they have Vams and Kaylas,Hexina, Lolinds, and Victorias "Ville said and got up from his knees." as Vam and Kayla came in."Ville,im..so ..sorry."Vam said with pity."don't be you did nothing....and I do think I know who it is.""I know..but I still can be sorry...I don't want things like this to happen to people I...love."she smiled as she said love.Ville looked up.He looked down and blushed.Bam looked at Kayla and raised his eyes brows.
sorry if i the spelling is bad...i cant remeber if i did spell check or not well hope you like it luv all vam -brooke
Posted on 07/23/2006 1:18 PM Comments (1)
July 11, 2006inter view with former key boreder zolton/juska“Finnish Rocker Invades Canada!”
Interview Conducted By Karen McBride and Kimi Fraser. Article Written & Transcribed by: Kimi Fraser
Juska "Zoltan Pluto" Salminen, is one of the most memorable former-band members to date. He is well known for his charisma, his energy, personality and his trademarked "dancing queen moves" from the "Right Here In My Arms" video. (This by the way, turns out was a totally impulsive.) It’s been almost 6 years since the fans have seen Juska in HIM. Fans who are familiar with the album, Razorblade Romance, have been wondering what he has been doing since his days with the band. We, at HIM-Canada.com were fortunate enough to catch up with Juska during his vacation to Canada. So, here we are after 2 weeks of Juska's Canadian invasion vacation we find the founder of HIM-Canada (Karen McBride aka Kindred Spirit), the street team leader (Kimi Fraser aka Sweet Pandemonium) and Juska in a quiet suburb off of Toronto. It's 4pm on April 17th 2006, and Juska is relaxing with a few beers and is enjoying his cigarette, on the last day of his vacation.
Kindred Spirit (Karen): So Juska, tell us about the first band you ever played in. Juska: The Swampies. I used to sing in the band. It was my first experience being in a band. My first song I sang was "Digging the Grave" by Faith No More; which is my all time favorite band. KS: How did you end up a member of HIM? J: Sorry, guys it's a long story. Umm I used to be a techno bloke, but I got really into HIM. I was a huge HIM fan. I met the former drummer, Pätkä (Juhana) and by that I met Ville. And I think mostly with my social skills, I think I got in and it was like a Cinderella story. KS: Okay. What performance with HIM is your favorite? J: What one performance? KS: Yeah. J: Uhh.There are two. Tavastia, is the one thing everybody in Finland wants to go to if they are a small band. And the other one is "Provinci Rock." Uh....insane rocking, and to be on the main stage on that was unbelievable. And of course all the other gigs around the world. KS: Okay. Which venue do you prefer to play at, a small smoky club or a large festival like you just described? J: Very small. Kimi: Care to elaborate? J: Small smoky one, because you can't see the people if you're the main act (in a large venue). But when you're in a small smoky club you can see the people and you can see the faces. They enjoy it that sort of thing...to be close to the people. KS: Which other bands and/or projects have you been in since HIM? J: Since HIM or before? Or.. KS: Either or. J: Okay, after HIM I went to play in the band called "Verenpisara" which means "blood drop." And um, then I used to play in To/Die/For and uh what else? That's about it. Now I'm making my own band. Kimi: Care to elaborate? KS: Yes, you care to elaborate on that? (Smirks) No? (Laughs) J : No (Laughs) KS: What bands are influencing you today as opposed to bands that influenced you back a few years ago? J : Uh like a couple of years ago, I used to be a gothic boy. (Jokingly) Gothic girl. Kimi: (Singing in the fashion of Poison girl) Goth boy! J: For being in HIM, Ville mostly composed almost everything. So I just rehearsed them. But influences like Faith No More is fun for me but nowadays I will try to do a massive attack of normal. Like mellow....I don't know the correct word, like flowing-thing like not so metal and not so gothic. I left the band because I wasn't really a professional keyboarder. I was much more like a performer. Basically, I left the band because I got exhausted. Like burnout. It took a long time to get over it, but nowadays; after 4 years, I can be a fan again. I hope all the best for the guys. Conquer the world! I miss you guys! KS: Boxers or Briefs? Kimi: (Giggles) J: What? Kimi: (Laughs) KS: (Smiling) you like to wear boxers or briefs? J: What are briefs? KS: Underwear! J: Yeah but I know "boxers”.... (Pulls down pants to check.) Boxers KS: In one word describe Canada. J: Unbelievable! KS: What is your favorite Canadian beer? J: Molson Canadian. KS: What was the most fun experience during your vacation here? J : Uh...to meet new friends, that I hope will hope it will last forever. Friendships. KS: Yeah but what did you do that was the most fun thing? That you will really remember? J: NHL game. KS: A hockey game. KS: What's your best favorite NHL team? J: It used to be Philadelphia, but now I am a Toronto maple leafs fan. KS: That a boy! KS: What do you think of Canadian woman? J: Uhhhh (Looks at Karen and Kimi) (Kimi seductively opens a bit of her shirt to joking tease Juska. Juska laughs and looks like he's turning red. J: Everybody has been so nice. Uhhh I'm like... at the moment I'm like a non-sexual person, so I don't look at woman that way. But they are pretty. All of them are pretty. (Saying reassuringly). Uh.. I like woman. (Everyone laughs) Pretty and nice. KS: How tall are you? J: In centimeters, um 188cm (6'2") KS: How's my driving? J: Fast! Kimi: We're just continuing our interview with Juska Salminen. Whooo! Juska! KS: How many nipples do you have? J: Actually 8. (Everyone laughs) 3 on my back, 2 normal ones, and uh…one under my testicles and.... (KS laughs even harder.) ...one on my toe. And one is still under my armpit but it goes away occasionally. (Everyone laughs) KS: Is it true you eat your own earwax? (Saying it while trying not to laugh while asking the question.) Kimi: (Shocked at what Karen said) what kind of questions are these? I mean this is...how are they going to take these seriously? When they go on the website, they're going to be looking at this, and they're going to be like "I can't believe you..." (Kimi gets interrupted by Juska saving her sanity.) J: Sometimes. I accidentally ate the wax from my ear and it tasted horrible. But I don't eat wax. In Finland, people used to eat wax from their ears to survive, but not me, because I'm the King of Finland! (Laughs) Kimi: (Laughs) Okay.... On a more serious note. (Laughs again from the shock of before.) Umm Okay, so out of everybody you were in with HIM, what were their personalities like? You know, from I guess a fans point of view? If the fans want to get to know the band members? J: The band member's personalities? Kimi: Yeah. KS: Real personalities. Off-screen J: Uhh Gas is like the kindest person I have ever knew. And uh... Ville is the main guy. He's like a boss but he's really nice. But He can be tough as well because he got all the pressure on him and uh Mige is like uh is like a Mage-(hippie)-kind-of-thing. He's a really easygoing guy. And Linde isn't shy. Which mostly people think, but he's just silent. He doesn't want to speak nonsense. (Laughs) KS: What are the rest of them like? J: And uh…I don't know much about Burton because I only met him twice. And the old drummer was actually the guy that got me into the band so he was a pretty easygoing guy and a good drummer, but he had a child and had to stop doing that thing, because when you're in a rock band it's like 24/7 all the time. Kimi: What was Seppo like? J: Seppo is like...a really nice guy. (Laughs) He used to tease me a lot but.... (Laughs) anyway, he is so professional. He is the best manager in Finland or in Europe. I don't know but he is just doing a great job and he's a really nice guy. KS: All right, there has been large serge of Finnish talent invading the American music market lately. Is this a new export or has it always J: Well uh.... Swedes were always in the music, which came on board. They did better. And I think mainly because of the success with HIM; with "Join Me" in Germany, and Apocalyptica's success, with all the other bands that decided to come out. It's like spreading all over. I'm still keep thinking, "why?" I don't know. People seem to be really into Finnish music and in Finland as well, as a country. And they want to travel there. KS: Is there anyone special in your life, right now, Juska? (Saying it with a smirk on her face.) J: (Long pause) Uh yeah.... (Looks at Kimi) Kimi is special for me. (Kimi turns red and hides her face, and giggles) And uh, Karen as well. and all the other guys I met here. I'm single (laughs) but it doesn't matter at all. There's always something special in most people, but the most important to me is family. And the most important, is my niece; my brother's daughter. KS: What are you taking back home with you that you got out of this vacation to Canada? J : Memories, which will last forever and friendships that will hopefully last forever and some souvenirs....and huh a couple of jerseys! (Laughs)
Posted on 07/11/2006 10:49 PM Comments (7)
July 9, 2006we are the damned-dat with a stranger behinde....its lame but shut up i tryVille woke up,plopped down on his big red velvet chair.He sat there looking out the bay window,just thinking.His cell phone started to ring.It was Bam."hello?" "yo,hurry up are you ready yet?"Bam said rushing him."for what..?" "for your DATE!!with Vam and us.." "oh yeah shit I totally forgot!!!"he didnt even bother to say good-bye he hanged up the phone and rushed into the bathroom.Lolind came in while he was shaving."hey,Victoria and Hexina are here..."he said scratching his ass with a cup of coffee in hand."what why are they here?"he said glaring down the hall."well Victoria has no prob with you going on a date she is happy so she wanted to help you know what to say and well she just dragged Hexina on with her." "what I dont need any help at all I know what to say I've been on a date plenty of times"he said strongly and defensively."tell her that,not me."he said and walked out of the room.Ville walked out were every one else was."why is every one here ,its not like I haven't been on a date before..."he said lifting one eye brow."hehe yeah I know...but what Bam told me I wanted to make sure you don't screw this one up"Vicotria said smiling."uugghh...."Ville grounded at her."ok you know what to do then...always get her every thing she should never have to get up...if you see a rose pick it and give it her...don't look at other girls while your there'' "or guys.."Hexina said blowing her lips like a horse."um yeah...and always open the door for her and pull her chair out and-" "yeah I know what to do."Ville said cutting her off.
hope you like this one hehe the next one should be good...i hope hehe im working in it now!!
ha love you guys vam-brooke
Posted on 07/09/2006 2:53 PM Comments (4)
July 8, 2006cross my heart-lost partthe lost part of cross my heart.
I went back home and every one was still there jus as I had left them."were the hell have you been?"Bam said as I walked in."Jake is dieing."I bowed my head in sadness."your brother Jake?"Ville said getting up."yes"I said and I started to hold tears back. sat down end buried my head into a billow.Ville came over and sat next to me,"I don't get it he has never been there for you he has never talked to you why now,If I were you I would never have gone."Bam said shaking his head.I lifter my head up and my eyes were narrowed and full of horar,"he is my brother,I am always going to be there for him not matter what,no one deserves to die alone and not loved.He is my family he was the only one that had treated me right,I am always there for him no matter what."I got up and stormed into my bedroom.Kayla smacked Bam across the face and left a red hand prink across his face.Ville and Kayla ran in after me."its ok we will go tomorrow and see him ok."Kayla said as I cried.Ville put his arms around me."go ahead...cry...it will help." I shook my head no,I don't cry.i got up and went into the bathroom,then I walked out into the kitchen. It was late every one left.I went to bed early to I could wake up and go see Jake.I got up and left.I got to the hospitable."Hello,I am hear to see Jake Wilson." the front desk man eyes sunk and his face turned cold,"he has passed,last night.I am sorry there was nothing they could do.I shook my head,I ran out to my car.I sat in it and cried...cried and cried.I started home my eyes were blurred with tears as I drove.i got home and fell onto the couch.Every one was over"what's wrong..."I looked up and they saw my red burning eyes of tears full of sorrow,"oh...he..."Jussi said and his eyes sank.Ville sat e next to me.I smiled at him."well why don't we forget all this and watch a movie"Bam asked."oh yes I need that."I said,as I walked past Ville I smiled at him softy.Bam looked at Jussi and Jussi at him they raised there eyes brows at each other."ille get popcorn."I said"ill get some drinks and all'Jussi said and we went into the kitchen.''whats with you and Ville?"he asked smirking."oh' we are just good friends...well its not how I would like it to be its just..well..."I said scattered"aahhh haa I knew it, I knew you guys had a thing for each other!!" he said kinda loud.''shut up! yes ok I like him...ALOT but there is no reason to blurt it out." "oh yes there is,seams to me he likes ya back."he said and smiled then walked out into the other room.
hope you liked this...no we are the damned is not over yet but might be soon i just did this for fun =Dso hope you liked it
luv you vam-brooke
Posted on 07/08/2006 5:29 PM Comments (3)
July 4, 2006we are the damned-does she like meThey rushed Bam down to Villes lair.Villes eyes were still full of guilt and tears."dont worry Ville he is going to be fine,Hexina is a expert at this kind of stuff remember."Victoria said sitting down next to Ville."every one has to get out of the room,I need it dark and clear."Hexina said pushing them out of the room."Ville,are you ok..."Lolind said looking at him worriedly."I dont know,I..I...was blind sighted,I should of sense that she was bad...but she was just so....so..." "hot...sexy"Lolind answered for him."well...yeah." "it wasn't you fault you should not feel guilty about this."Victoria said putting her arms around him.He pushed her away and turned his head away."it was my fault,I should of told him before,I should of not been so blind sighted,I should of told him to look out sooner,I should of never gotin him into this before..." he said sadly holding tears back."Ville,there was nothing you could do its not your fault...it never will be....Bam will understand dont worry."Victoria said lifting his chin up.Ville got up and left the room.Victoria got up but Lolind stopped her"let him be to his thoughts."
********************************************************************************************************************** Ville was at a club,sitting alone.When a young girl sat next to him."yeah,um ill like Desarona vodka"she said another girl sat next to her''ill have the same please."she said then glanced at Ville.Her eyes shined even though there was no light.The girl whispered some thing to her friend and she looked back at Ville.She smiled."hey what's your name?"the girl next to him asked."oh...um."they giggled a little."its Ville."he said blushing."im Kayla,this is my friend Vam."she said introducing them selfs.Kayla was tall and dark but strikenling beautiful,with dark black eyes and a smile to die for.Vam a bit shorter,and as beautiful as Kayla.she had green eyes that changed in different lighting,but yet she look sad on the inside."so you look a bit sad is any thing wrong."Vam asked him and got him a drink.He felt like he could really trust then he senses goodness and high power in them.he told them the whole story.He tried not to cry but it just came out."WHAT, BAM!!!"Kayla screamed,she started to cry Vam rushed to her side and held her trying to comfort her.Ville eyes were shocked and puzzled."what's wrong." "Bam is her boyfriend,"Vam said as she cried on her shoulder,"oh..I did not know that." The night was leaving so they had to leave."hey Bam want to crash out at my place?" ville offered."na im going to stay with Kayla and Vam"he said and put his arm around Kayla."bye guys." "hey Ville can I crash at yours Hexina is really bitchy right now?"Lolind said and Hexina flipped him off."yeah you can,why is she bitchy?" "Ill tell you when we get to your place"he said nervously.
so there is my next part there is probley onley going to be 2 or 3 more of these since im going back to cross my heart!!YAY!!thank you fo all your suport hope you like it!!
Posted on 07/04/2006 2:09 PM Comments (5)
|
ARCHIVE
MY FRIENDS
xxdepressedxkidxx
jesstarn melissa101 spencerluvr1 iluvnickwheeler jasieafipatd12 kristyway xxlissax0x avenged666 romancelarry bertmccrackensonly fawnlovesmcr FOLLOWERS ALL FRIENDS |



existed or are we now getting to hear more of it due to the internet/media? 

