yeha like fuck it

 He stepped in one step more and opened his mouth to speak but then closed it not knowing what to say."Is that what you think is that all you think I am doing is drinking?Do you know how hard it is on me!?Do you have any idea?" he paused."I do.When you were sick in Romania!Did you know how hard that was for me!?" really I don't think any of us know how that other felt..."well I do now!But I didn't have liver problems,I didn't colaps in the store and almost bleed to death!I didn't try to kill myself ,I didn't cut myself!!!DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW THAT IS TO HAVE SOME ONE YOU LOVE DO THAT!!"  "Yeah right its hard for you !Do you know what I have gone through my whole life!!Do you think I just go and hurt myself for fun couse I want to! I DON'T!!!! I DON'T!!!! I don't want to be like this but I am,I don't now what I am doing while I do it!I don't want to have these marks on my body I DON' T but I do it any ways and I don't know how to stop or why I am doing it in the first place!" "YES YOU DO!You know why you know that you are!I know you do and so do you ,you can't say that you don't!You have a choice ,a choice to do it or not!You don't have to be that way,you don't have to cut your self!"  " I don't know what else to do!I can't stop its like drugs to me,I use to be on them and getting through this is harder then drugs couse the drugs are probley what's causing this,I JUST CAN'T STOP NO MATER HOW HARD I TRY!!!!! I HOPE I DIE NOW, just stab me right in the heart cut my wrists!!!" he shook his head"ok I will fucking cutter just role up in a ditch and die!!!I HOPE YOU DIE!!!!!!!!"he yelled back and walked off.Every ones eyes were wide open and their mouths were dropped.I was pissed and my face was full of anger.I looked at them and said frustrated"leave me alone...."and laid down and turned on my side.I don't need this pressure tomorrow is the day...the day I go in.
 

It came to fast,before I knew it the nurse came in and said"30 more min." I took a deep breath.Every one was there...except for...Ville."why isn't he hear?"I said panicked."I tried to call him but he didn't pick up."Bam said miserably."but I have to go in now!"I held Kaylas hand tight as the nurse came in."its time..."she said putting in a fake smile."Don't leave me...promise you will be here!" I said worriedly and breathing hard."we wont we will be right here when you come back."she said calmly,and let go of my hand.As they rolled be down the hall I taught of what I said to Ville,and I regret every bit of it!ITS TO LATE!! What if I die!!I will never forgive myself!I haven't told him I love hm with all my heart,if I could I would give him the world and every thing in it.He holds my heart!I CAN'T DO THIS!"I can't ,I can't.I CAN'T!" i yelled as I saw the room witch my destination holds.I tried to get up but the nurse held me down."I CAN'T!!" I struggled to get out,"let me go!!!" I yelled I fraught them trying to get free."KAYLA!!!!!" I screamed.All of a sudden the doors bursted open.It wasn't Kayla it was Ville!!"Vam!I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said!" "I know either did I!"  " I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!" "I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Sr. you are going to have to leave now"one of the nurses said pushing him out.I stopped fighting them and I just let them take me.If I die at least he knows I love him and I know he loves me.They took me in and put the mask over my face and I drifted off to sleep.