yeha like fuck it

 That night,Cloude and Ville stayed...to make sure I wouldn't do any thing.I waited for them to fall asleep.I went in my purse,I always keep a knife,and a sharp one too.I grabbed it quickly and ran to my bed.I started to make slits on my arm.The blood dripped out,drop by drop.Every cut more painfully then the last.But it helped,it helped me realize emotional pain, replacing it with physical.It helped me forget about life, and helped me know I was human that I bleed red,that I am alive,but yet I feel so dead, and cold.That I'm empty inside that I'm hallow on heart.Every slit showing me inside.Reliving that fear that I'm not dead,that I don't bleed black.But yet the scars on my body will remind me,will keep the memories,and will keep the scars on my heart.I don't want to be like this I don't want people to see he cuts on my arms,I don't want etention,its not a cry for love a cry for help!I herd someone move.So I quickly laid down and pretended to sleep.I peeked under my covers.I saw Ville get up and stretched then went outside.I held my bleeding arm tightly and held the knife with my cut arm.He came back in and sat back down.He arched over and buried his head in his arms and let out a bug sigh of frustration."Ville are you ok?" I said as I slid my knife under the pillow."yeah Im alright..."  "are you sure?"  "yeah...I just need to think...are you ok?"  "yeah" he came over and sat down.I moved my arm carefully so he would not see or sit on it.He laid down and put his arm around me.I snuggled my body into his and put my head on his chest.I listened to his heart beat,it was slow and soft.As I listened to his tender heart beat I drifted off to sleep.

 I woke up and the room was empty.I sat up and pulled my arm out from the covers and stared at the cuts on my arm.I slowly sawed my finger across them."hey.." I quickly covered my arm up."what's going on?" it was Dunn, Bam, and Kayla."oh hey...wheres Ville?" "I don't know his car isn't here when we got here so we thought he must of gone to a bar,or some thing..." Kayla said and shrugged her shoulders."probley..."I wish I could be at a bar."have you called his cell?"   "no not yet...I will now." Bam went out in the hall and called him.He was out there for along time."I wonder what they are talking about?"Kayla tried to listen to what Bam was saying but did not succeed.bam finally came in and had a worried look on his face."what's wrong."Kayla eminently said."Vam,Ville told me about last night..." I knew what he was talking about but I tried not too show it."huh?" "he said last night he felt the knife under your pillow...and he saw your arm.''Kayla let out a shriek.She came over and grabbed my arm."I can't belive it...I thought we were over with this,I thought you were ok"  "I am!There is nothing wrong with me.Im just fine."  "do you need attention?" Bam said like I was a child."NO! I don't need attention I don't need help!I don't need you guys riding on my back about it!!!"  :vam were not trying too,we want to help you..."  "I dont need help I am fine!" I wanted to leave but that would be weird in these hospital clothes.Intsead I just went under my covers laying there.firsts my face was full of fury and anger,then it let out and turned sad.I buried my face in and let just one tear fall from my dark eyes."why..." WHY!? Kayla asked why!?Has she even been hear ,does she even know what I have been going through right now! I thought she understood...but she asks why.I didn't answer I just laid there like a cold dead fish."Vam,why did you do it?"she asked again."why...hhmm why.Well I am laying on my death bed hopefully and my mom is dieing and the fucking love of my life isn't even here to comfort me and what seams like is trying to avoid me ...and you ask why?"I shook my head in shame."I...didn't know...that she was dieing...and Ville isn't avoiding you...he just need to think." "yeah im sure he is just thinking...he is probley at the nearest bar by now..." Bam shook his head."hes not,he is right here..." I turned my head and saw Ville standing in the doorway.