yeha like fuck it

     I woke up at about 2pm.I walked into the living room rubbing my eyes.As I looked up every one was staring at me."um what's going on?" every one was silent."well umm im going to get a beer..." I started to walk into the kitchen but got cut off."Vam we need to talk..."Kayla said with no emotion showing."um ok...about what?"  "you drinking problem.It becoming worse.You are even drinking more then Ville.It need to stop befor something happens,we know there is something wrong going on." my eyes went narrow."WHAT?!I don't have a drinking problem,nothings going on!IM FINE!" I yelled and stormed out the door.

      At first I didn't know were to go.Still I saw Zamoras.I quickly ran across the street in front of cars making them hit their brakes so fast you could here the rubber off the tiers skid across the pavement. .I could swore I herd people cussing at me.I quickly ran to the bar"give me anything strong" I said quickly and started banging softly on the counter.He handed me a drink and looked at me puzzled.I gulped it down then held it out for him to give me another.As I drank thoughts rushed through my mind.I could not fix my mind on one thing,until I remember what Kayla said...'I don't have a drinking problem...do I?'I thought to myself.'no,you don't they don't understand,they dont know what I have been through.?' I lied to myself it seamed to be working too.I drank my thoughts away,drank my problems away.

     When they cut me off,I walked to the store and got a case of beer,I drank it in the park.I was slammed.I pass a group off guys.Forgetting I was married and about my only love,I began to flirt with them,and play with them.I brushed up against one of them,when I heard"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"it was Bam and Ville.Ville grabbed my arm.I pushed it off and yelled in there ears"GO AWAY!I DON'T NEED YOU!! LEAVE ME ALONE!"Bam grabbed me and threw me in the car.I struggled to get out then they pushed me back in.I forgot I could unlock the doors.I banged and screamed yelled hit punched kicked all the way home.When we got home I was pissed,I yelled at every one.I stumbled around the house trying to get to the cellar to get some wine.When Kayla fallowed me down and tried to keep me form drinking.I struggled for a bottle pushing her to the ground.She pushed me back and grabbed the bottle and threw it at the wall braking it.She grabbed another and threw it"VAM! I can't do this I don't want you to do this to yourself!!"  "IM NOT DOING ANY THING!YOU DON"T KNOW WHAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE LET ME BE AT PEACE!"I grabbed a battle and tried to open it.She pushed me down."VAM!Don't do this you don't see what you are doing!You know what this stuff can do to you!You are going to kill your self,I don't want you to die,I don't want anything to happen to you!I care about you Vam we all do."I paused,suddenly it came clearer...I began to relies what I was doing.I drooped the bottle.I felt tears rushing down my face.I could not stop crying,I think it all got to me,it all caught up to me.At my father funeral I held my tears back.Ever since my father died I have held anger back held tears back.I tried to teach my self not to cry.But I guess when I was drunk it all came out non stop.Kayla helped me up the stairs.I saw Mige and Linde sitting next to Bam.Dico and Dunn.I felt ashamed,I tried to hide my face from every one.

       We talked for hours,it seamed like every one was crying or trying not too,except me.I don't know why I should be the only one crying but I wasn't.I hate to cry but some times its hard to hold it.When Ville said...he wants me to go to a rehab center.I didn't want to,but I knew its what he wanted.I didn't want to give up drinking,I just wanted to cut back on it.This all was happening to fast...I was really a hard drinker,I was really an alcoholic!I really had problems.What happened to that perfect little girl,that never did any thing wrong,played with dolls had tea parties with her girlfriends.Then played army,and super hero with her guy friends...what append to daddies lil girl!...She grew up,got into drugs and alchole...quite drugs after years of abuse then got married and became and alcholic!!! NO!!! I didn't want to be that...im not going to live to see my own child!I want to live and explore the world!!!Not if im going this!I need to stop...or at least cut back.